An Update
Right now, I feel awesome. Sure, I have my bad days like everybody else, but I’m determined not to let a bad day make me feel like I have a bad life.
I mean it when I say that without God, my happiness would not be possible, and surely insecurity would be inevitable had He not found me. My joy and love for Him is overwhelming. His love for me is the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I dread the times when I struggle with faith and doubt, it’s honestly just so hard in such an anti-Christian world, but I know that a revival succeeds each struggle, and I come back much stronger than before. I wish that I could let everyone know about God and how wonderful He is. I want them to know that if you just accept Him into your life, your worries will be taken care of, you will rejoice over a new found love, you will never be alone. But it’s hard. I unfortunately get shy about talking about God, and when I do I feel as though what I say to people goes through one ear and out the other, or that they think I’m just doing it for attention. But that’s not the case, I want everyone to know and feel his love. I want to help everyone, and the best way that I know how is to introduce them to God.
This year has been one of my best years in high school so far. I’ve rekindled and strengthened my love for God and dance, and I’ve been able to generally get good grades this year. I’ve formed close relationships with some good people, and I’ve become very comfortable and happy with who I am. My dreams and aspirations are real and alive. They burn inside me waiting for the day when they can make their big debut to the world. I live on hope and on faith. I’m essentially “Livin’ On A Prayer.” Again, I owe it all to the one who created me. It’s time for me to stop letting myself be afraid to express my faith. I will no longer care if you think it’s stupid, silly, annoying, etc. I am who I am in the Lord’s eyes. I refuse to let anybody stop me. I will fight forever defending my God.
I’ve learned a lot about myself this year. I’ve grown and matured, and I’ve realized that my time in high school is almost up, and I truly need to start preparing for the future. I want to get involved. I want to start being a regular at youth group, I want to volunteer, I want to dance ALL THE TIME so that I can improve and become the dancer that I hope to be, and I want to get my permit/license. The problem is, I can’t tell if I focus on myself too much. You see, in times past, I’ve cared way too much about the people around me, and to this day I still do, but I don’t believe it to be healthy. Of course, we should love one another and help each other, but I’ve realized that when I care about others too much, I ultimately end up jeopardizing my own happiness. So, I’ve tried to stop. But now I feel selfish, I need to learn the fine balance in between. But it’s in my nature to want to be a good friend and help everybody, but at the same time, I really need to focus on myself because these people won’t be around forever…
Speaking of caring for others, I’ve also realized that I am under appreciated and often taken for granted. People think it’s okay to just come and go in my life as they please. Too many people in fact… I’ve now learned that I can’t control whether or not people want me in their lives. I can’t continue to be hurt every time someone drops me or disappoints me. It’s not good for me to be so affected by this. It hurts my current friendships because I am always scared that they are going to leave me or that I am always doing something wrong. Its not fair to me, and it’s not fair to my current friends. I always try my hardest to be a good friend, and honestly if you can’t accept that then so be it, but I will no longer fret over it.
To conclude this long rant, I will say that I am extremely pleased with life and look at it from a new perspective. I thank God for finding me when I was lost, and bringing hope to the hopeless.
